World Parents’ Day, celebrated on June 1o June was proclaimed by the United Nations General Assembly on September 17, 2012, and places parents (whether biological, adoptive, or foster parents) and their fundamental educational role toward children at its center: the adults of tomorrow.
If we look at the matter from this perspective, we understand how much responsibility rests on the shoulders of the men and women who have decided to become parents. Their commitment must be recognized, respected, and supported.
This day is aimed precisely at this, in addition to offering an opportunity to reflect on what it means to be parents today: it is a challenge in an increasingly fluid and, in some respects, unstable society, in which it therefore becomes difficult to provide or be points of reference.
The hardest job in the world
There is some truth in this proverbial saying: there is no set formula for being parents, no one gives new fathers or new mothers a map, and no one tells them which are the sure steps to take to be certain they are doing what is best for their children.
So perhaps the first thing to say is that parents are not born, but become parents: it is when a child is born that the parent is born too and, understood in this way, the journey between parents and children is a shared journey, even though their roles are obviously different.
The child asks for a secure guide who knows how to be authoritative and affectionate; asks for limits to find their way in the world and understand what is right and what is not; asks for listening and understanding…
The first step, therefore, is to be there, without seeking shortcuts or delegating to others.
Cardinal Comastri, in a beautiful letter to parents, writes: «Dear parents, make time for your children again! Set aside meaningful time every day to become friends with your children and keep in touch with their growing lives, which are filling with questions that must find their first resonance and first fundamental answer at home: this is your irreplaceable mission!».
However, we must also remember that being there does not mean “taking the place of…”; as the child grows and becomes a young person, it is necessary to leave an ever-greater space for freedom.
A simple image that can aptly convey the mission of a parent is teaching a child to ride a bicycle: at a certain point, for the child to learn, you have to let go; the child believes that his or her father is still behind them, holding on, but in reality they are riding alone without realizing it. It is an experience and a memory shared by many: when you realize that you are riding alone, you savor a marvelous feeling that tastes of freedom.
The challenge of educating for freedom
The core of education, then, consists in giving tomorrow’s adults the tools to take flight; it becomes an opportunity to grant true freedom, as Pope Benedict XVI emphasizes in words that remain highly relevant today: “Educating has never been easy, and today it seems to be becoming increasingly difficult. Parents, teachers, priests and all those with direct educational responsibilities know this well. We therefore speak of a great ‘educational emergency’, confirmed by the failures that our efforts to form strong individuals, capable of cooperating with others and of giving meaning to their lives, so often encounter. It is then natural to blame the new generations, as if the children born today were different from those born in the past. There is also talk of a ‘generational divide’, which certainly exists and weighs heavily, but which is the effect, rather than the cause, of the failure to pass on certainties and values.
Should we therefore blame today’s adults, who are supposedly no longer capable of educating? Certainly, among parents, teachers and educators in general, there is a strong temptation to give up, and even before that, the risk of not understanding what their role is, or rather the mission entrusted to them. In reality, what is at stake is not only the personal responsibility of adults or young people, which certainly exists and must not be concealed, but also a widespread atmosphere, a mentality and a form of culture that lead people to doubt the value of the human person, the very meaning of truth and goodness, and ultimately the goodness of life. It then becomes difficult to pass something valid and certain from one generation to the next: rules of conduct and credible goals around which to build one’s life.
At this point I would like to tell you something very simple: Do not be afraid! All these difficulties, in fact, are not insurmountable. Rather, so to speak, they are the other side of the coin of that great and precious gift that is our freedom, together with the responsibility that rightly accompanies it.”
And so, from a certain point onward, parents must be good at taking a step back: they are there, they continue to be there, and they will always be there, but they must know when to let go, so that their child can walk on their own two feet and build their own life.
“Your children are not your children…”, wrote the poet Gibran, expressing a beautiful truth: “You are the bows from which your children, as living arrows, are sent forth”; they are arrows shot from a bow that must be allowed to fly freely.
If we are parents or educators, we live our mission with renewed hope, always ready to draw the bow so that the arrows may take flight.
