The experience of grief, of losing a loved one, is one of the most painful experiences in life, because it is a tear in the fabric of our lives; it is always a moment when pain catches us by surprise and stops us in our tracks: in the face of grief, in the face of loss, it seems that darkness descends all around us, and it is difficult to find the strength to get back up and respond.
Furthermore, with a bereavement - and the absence that inevitably follows - we must then live day after day, month after month and year after year… And perhaps this is one of the most painful things to endure.
These are very delicate subjects, which we often try to avoid, but they are important subjects because they concern us all: pain, loss and grief unfortunately touch every life.
In this article, we want to delve into the reality of pain, without denying it or softening it, but moving through its truest aspects, and then suggesting ways to “rise again” from pain, loss and absence… After a bereavement, we can and must continue living, and it is possible to do so!
Embracing the reality of pain
The first step to take in the face of the pain of grief is to acknowledge that we are wounded: it is a step that may seem obvious, but it is perhaps the most difficult, precisely because when pain assails us, instinct leads us to flee, to deny it…
Pain, however, must be embraced: we must acknowledge that this loss has caused a rupture, a break in our lives, and we must not be afraid of our own reaction.
Pain is, in fact, a deeply personal experience and triggers very different emotions and reactions; it is a process that goes through several stages: we move from initial bewilderment to a sense of anger toward life, toward the person who has left us and often also toward God, whom we often feel is distant in these situations… Then comes the emptiness that echoes through the days that follow…
No stage of this journey should be denied: it is a difficult path, but one that must be traveled consciously and, above all, not alone, but with the support of friends, family members and, if necessary, professionals with whom to talk.
Spiritual resources
On this journey of accepting grief and working through the pain, faith can certainly help, because those who believe know that death does not bring everything to an end; death does not have the final word: those who believe have the sure hope of eternal life.
In this sense, she knows that the thread is not broken: we can still reach our loved one and feel them close; we can pray for them and remember them at Mass: we know that our prayer is precious to them.
In our pain, we also have a great ally, an expert in pain fully experienced yet tinged with hope: Our Lady of Sorrows. We can be certain that she deeply understands what a heart feels when it must face death, because she stood beneath the cross. As we grieve, let us entrust ourselves to her with confidence, because she will help us stand beneath our own cross.
Practical strategies
As already mentioned, however, this is not a journey that can be faced alone, because, from a human perspective, the pain of a loss is one of the hardest things to overcome. It is therefore important to have support and to recognize that you need help and someone to talk to. This is why communities and support groups exist, where you can share your experience. This helps you understand your reactions, realize that they are common reactions, and feel that you are not alone on this journey.
Finally, to cope with this rupture, it is essential to give yourself time: life is made up of time, and if we do not allow ourselves time for grieving and inner reconstruction, it means that we do not fully acknowledge the moment we are going through, but instead run away from it. A good path may therefore be to care for your emotional and physical well-being and take time for yourself.
This article is merely a window onto a darkness that is difficult to put into words and for which, we are aware, there are no “easy solutions”… In fact, we have only tried to point out possible paths to renewal. If you would like to share your experience with us, you will find a space here where you can be heard, but we also encourage you to speak with experts who can guide you on your path to renewal.
